A personal toxic trait that I have is avoidance. I often times find myself avoiding my fears and the things that are nagging at me internally. I quite literally will make myself busy all day to dodge having to sit with the chaos that goes on in my mind. Whether that's actually busying myself with work, Tik Tok, or other people's problems, I've realized that these have been some of the tactics that I have used to in a sense run from myself. The problem for me is when night time hits. The silence usually tends to bring all of the emotions rushing to me at once. You're probably asking yourself "Angel, what do you do in those moments?" I distract myself even more to keep me from dealing with me.
See although I come here month after month to encourage you to do positive things, I'm not always the most positive person myself. So for this month's blog, I want to ask you : what are you avoiding?
Now that I realize that I have this problem, I can either stay the same or make the change. I'm choosing to make the change. I realized that I run from myself because I often feel powerless in situations. Sitting with myself makes me feel overly vulnerable, and if I sit in that too long I sometimes worry that I won't be able to recover from those feelings.
Because I've been running from myself for so long, I sometimes find myself feeling extremely anxious way more often that usual. I notice that I also feel more overwhelmed, more fearful, and overall more pessimistic. It's not that I don't know what I feel, but sometimes I don't know how to process it all.
Now that I've laid my cards out on the table, I hope that at least one of you reading this feels seen. Figure out what it is that you're avoiding in your own life and why you're doing it to yourself. The reasons behind your why might feel a bit scary, but you have to overcome your own hurdles. Acknowledging your truth may make you feel as if you're coming undone, but really you're finding a new strength.
I've aired out how I've been feeling, so let's talk about the steps I'm taking to stop avoiding myself. First, I started back journaling. It's something about writing that allows you a sense of freedom even though you've probably said what you've been thinking to yourself over and over. Whether it's a super deep topic that you write about or just a good memory that you've had recently, that sense of connecting with yourself that comes with journaling is so gratifying. Another thing that I've been doing is disconnecting from my phone more. This allows me to tune in less into other people and events while also helping me to be more present. Thirdly, I spend time with God. Spending time with God can sometimes feel intimidating until you realize that you're literally talking to your creator, the person that gets you the most. Spending time with God always leads me back to my peace, more joy, and comfort. Finally, I'm trying to make time for more simple things that I enjoy: DIY projects, reading, etc.
The longest relationship that you'll ever have is with yourself. That's why it's so important to make your relationship with self as healthy as possible. When you pick up on the fact that you may not be treating yourself in the best ways, make the change. Take autonomy over yourself and choose to be better each day. This month, let's find better ways to embrace every part of ourselves.
- Stop Avoiding & Embrace YOU,
Angel
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